Friday, March 22, 2013

Miss Understand...!

“How can those times ever be forgotten?
Why in our times together
Did we allow our egos to sleep in?
When did the special feeling
We nurtured for each other
Turn into pain and then into torture?”

I was hurt deeply when she messaged me saying “I was the reason for them to fight!!Also, she pointed out my failure to install some software in my laptop than seeking her help and not to call her anymore with a BIG good bye” There were fights between us but, this was something which made us apart afar from hearts. I never knew this is going to be a goodbye forever to our friendship!!! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have sought any help or have taken liberty.

We were very good friends until some misunderstanding blocked our hearts & minds beyond what we can ever think of!!!

Friend is a person with whom we pour our heart out, on whom we can easily depend or rely on, with whom we feel comfortable sharing secrets untold & unfold at hearts, we’ll be sure of his/her presence next to us when need the most, he/she is the only person who understands you as you are and none else….the communication will be so informal and it often gives us the liberty to believe that we are one and the same……Do you feel the same? If yes, read further otherwise this article is not for you or not of your taste……

It was the first day in the college everybody were settling down in the auditorium. As usual I preferred to occupy the middle seat and kept on observing others. Few of them were in their own world (Trans!!), some of them were making themselves familiar with others (comparing their IQ with that of others & judging whether the other person fits to their friendship standards!!), most of them were completely blank as to what’s going to happen next???

One girl who was bit late to enter the auditorium rushed and sat in the last row. As I looked back her broad smile welcomed me and I too smiled at her spontaneously. Perhaps, this made her to come and sit next to me!!Wow, I still cherish that moment as it was just a heartfelt smile instead of “hello” made us closer….without wasting even a single minute we exchanged few information about ourselves before the session started.

Introductory sessions which was for 5 long days comprised of lectures by prominent speakers from various companies on various current issues indeed made us to feel that the management of any business is not everybody’s cup of cake!! But, many of us gathered were of a strong will, with a motive behind to join for this course

Commenting on every session was the most common thing found (sometimes, making a fool of ourselves though we didn’t know about the subject) around. Lunch break was the only time wherein we both tried to know each other in a better way. It didn’t take much time to feel that both of us were almost on the same phase by heart, the way we think, values we respect except two things which deviated were our career ambitions and so, called boyfriend!!

At last, we were relieved from those hectic, boring rarely interesting sessions!!! The institute has circulated the time table and I literally had the butterflies in my stomach since it was indeed a long time since I followed something called “time table” for academics!!! I was totally excited, after a long time I again got an opportunity to pursue something which I’ve always aspired for. So I was all set to grab this golden opportunity with full confidence and my heart every second thanked lord for his compassion on me. How could I ever repay the debt which I owe to my Saimaa than leading everyday life under HER guidance?

As the days passed, we both felt a strong special corner for each other. Of course, times during lunch breaks were just awesome. All thanks to myhostel for tasty dishes, she used to love that food specially “Bisi Bele Bath”. My replies used to literally irritate her when she used to expect answers for her questions regarding food for the day, every day morning in a nice way through SMSs; it’s not that I never replied, I did but in short forms. For such lovely caring words like GM honey, wt’s there for breakfast? I used to reply with just “chitranna”!!! Papa poor thing used to complain against me to her boyfriend!! So, silly yet it was fun

Everyone at college was jealous of our togetherness. It was such a lovely bond to be with. We used to miss those SDP (Student Development Program me!!)Huff, enough please, it’s a kind of torture…she used to say especially during financial management, management science classes…God, how could I ever forget those moments of Business Communication classes. For every one of us that was a kind of relaxation time, a total fun it was!!!

She was of full of energy, smiles and “Life”, to look at her is itself was like a festival for me who had experienced all bitter things by then. I never missed an opportunity to smile whole heartedly with her. Few of the co-students have got back to me by asking whether I knew her from a long time!!I was very proud and happy for getting such a nice person as my friend. I would have not attached to her so deep if I was aware of something which I can never expect especially from her with whom I had shared few of my secrets. That was the comfort level I felt whenever I was with her. Indeed, it was tough for me to even concentrate in the class if she wasn’t there beside me. To be frank, I did missed continuous 5 days of classes when her dad was hospitalized as even I felt the pinch at heart for her, just spent those time in praying for her happiness and more than that I didn’t had the heart to go to college itself, was not in a position to imagine myself without her in class room.

It might seem to be a foolish thing to do for a MBA student to miss classes. But, for me it was more important just to be with her during those days when she needed me the most. Friendship is the only relationship on which I easily rely, trust on than anything else, and was very happy to have such a sweet heart as my friend. She was the only friend for me over there!!! So, I wished only happiness for her.

Who knew what was ahead for me in the coming days? Who can ever guess that I might be a reason for them to fight? What happened to our friendship? Was there any misunderstanding between us? If yes, what was that? What made us to be apart afar from each other? Probably this was something which crushed my feelings towards her to the core!!!

“I have tried thousand times
To bridge the distances
To speak the words long waited
To forget and to forgive
Nothing can change the way I feel for you
Why do you refuse to understand it??”

That was the time when we received laptops from the college along with the Reliance Data card (Net Connect). It was my happy moment as it was something which I have always desired for to have!!That was the moment of pride. We both stood in the long queue and got our respective boxes. In fact, we kept those two big boxes in our bikes and said bye with a huge smile on our faces ;-))

That day itself she made me to feel free as she told not to worry about the installation of anti-virus soft ware as well as MS-2007 in my laptop as well. The very next day, when we met each other she was relieved as her man had installed MS-2007 already!! She said that it took a long time for them to do this the past night. She suggested me to handover my laptop as the same installation could be done in that also. The enthusiastic me, did handed over my lappy to her on a coming Wednesday so that it can be done at the earliest, as I had many butterflies in my head to experiment in it many more things ;-)) That was the thing which I shouldn’t have had done, as further talks regarding this just destroyed a beautiful relationship.

The enthusiastic me, when received my baby (laptop) with all necessary updated installation was bit upset as I wasn’t able to logon to internet, the very next moment I tried to contact her since she didn’t responded to my calls I did tried on her man’s number who informed about the way to install the software to access on internet, which I didn’t know, so I said to do the necessary when we meet in the college. Within a span of few minutes I did received a message from Her saying “I was the reason for them to fight with each other, and she also told my incapacity to install software in my laptop and not to keep in touch with her anymore and a big good bye” …the moment I saw the message I failed to understand what made her to think that I was the reason for them to fight?? How can I be?? And it was an insult for me not having enough knowledge about software installation.

That was enough for me to stop myself to become close to her anymore as I was blamed for such reasons before also which she was very much aware of. I tried hard to console myself but nothing could succeed. I told myself clearly “to be myself” in further days.

It was, is tough to be afar apart from her like this but that’s how things between us has been developed. A strange “Hi” coming out of a troublesome heart or disinterested kind of looks or sitting beside somebody else or changing the usual place in the classroom….heart cries inside heart but this is something which should be felt within. They say, time heals everything and I really hope for it!!!

“So many things
Close to heart, left unsaid
So many memories & moments that seem
To be frozen in the annals of time
Will those words ever be spoken???”
I miss you my dear.


Yes, that was the time when life demanded from me to run for my life!!!!

What was the reason for me to run for my own life? Why was i scared to face the situations? Was I not bold enough to handle alone? Where all my beloved ones go leaving me in this critical condition? Was it a health problem or something else? What was it exactly I was undergoing through? Who came to my rescue then? What or which was my disturbing factor??Did I reach my goal at last? ..................

Though am not so good at extracting exactly what I went through, will definitely try to reach the core to maximum extent possible. At the end, ‘am sure you will be inspired by the way I handled my mental status.

It was in Oct 2002, just after my graduation when I stepped into Bangalore with loads of dreams, determination to achieve what I’ve always aspired for, a broad smile of relatives and an open door of ICWAI (Institute of Cost and Works Accountants’ of India) gave me a kind of encouragement to reach my goal & a spark in my eyes to look at the world in a different angle…….
I was all set to start up, soon I enrolled myself for the oral coaching classes for Inter 1st stage. Getting up at 5.30am,get ready, attend classes from 7 to 10am,return home and cook something to cool my hunger, already set to start reading with a cup of tea beside me!! This used to be my daily routine; you can say that my hunger for knowledge was more than the comforts of life……..

As the days goes by, I have found myself excelling in studies and painting. Was proud of myself whenever professors used to appreciate me for the answers I used to give in an extraordinary way (through graphs, flowcharts & real examples of life...). I was up to the mark though I studied in a local language medium school & college, was equally competitive with the students who were of I.A.S.E, C.B.S.E educational background. Language was the biggest barrier while conversing which always made me inferior to share my thoughts with others. Nevertheless, in exams all mattered was how well you depict your ideas, knowledge into words in which I was good enough. Hardwork,systematic approach in preparation for the exams have at last paid me with the good results, stood in second position in whole Bangalore in oral coaching exams for which Institute awarded me with a money prize of Rs.1000/- & was one of the proud students who had cleared their Inter 1st stage in the first attempt itself!!!

Now, I had a feather on my head, was much more enthusiastic, confident and nothing could have ever stopped me from completing CWA except……………….What was that?????

It was the most shocking moment than when I lost my beloved dad and was hesitant to accept the bitter truth!!!

I was grown up by listening to the great Indian epics The Mahabharata and The Ramayana, had literally thought that at least Indians if not the whole world are indeed following the path of truth, righteousness in their everyday life. Forget about Indians, I was so dumb to realize what exactly is happening in minds of people so called relatives by whom I was surrounded with!!

Why me?? Was that b’coz I didn’t had my father or mum who was staying far away from me? Were they taking advantage of me being alone at my home? What exactly they wanted?? It didn’t took much time for me to realize & face the ugliest minds I have ever come across till then……there was no shame in themselves when they approached me by saying they love me though they had wife, few of them had kid/s also…how disgusting!!!! Used to wonder with the way they were leading their life & facing their family with a bitter, dirty mind & heart hiding within…there was no truth nor righteousness in their deeds, feelings, speech……

I had decided not to open the doors itself when they knock and pour out their dirty thoughts. Was the last person to accept those bitter facts. I used to console myself that they must be playing pranks with me to know me better or something like that….but nothing could succeed in calming my heart’s agony. Consoling myself with such sugar coated thoughts didn’t fetch anything than an increasing unknown fear inside myself of loosing myself, interest in studies,people,relationships,life…..used to curse my helplessness and blame GOD for taking away my dad when I needed him the most. Every day and night became tougher to face than I thought. I had none to share what I was undergoing through as I thought it would give a chance to people to make fun of our family which had then built a good reputation by then in society, thought I was strong enough to make these dirty minds to realize what they are doing…..was I over confident or did I felt that I was strong enough to fight with them???

Since they had a good rapport with my neighbors’ entering home was not a big deal for them through which they indeed took undue advantage. All my innocence towards the relationships seems to have an end. Though I tried my best to scream and tell them what they think and are doing is nothing but cheating themselves, God & so called family, they never agreed with me (rather they argued that without God’s will not even a single grass will move, then, without HIS WILL why will they get these feelings towards me??) They had all possible senseless statements ready with them to argue!! My physical strength didn’t come to my rescue to escape from those rough hands, even stones would have moved at my cries but not them!!Harassment both physically and mentally have blocked my mind and heart as a whole……..
The silent screams inside
Nobody does hear
But me.
The screams of fear.
The screams of pain.
The screams of past pain endured.
No body knows.
The screams of hurt.
The screams that huant.
The screams of despair.
The screams of loneliness.
The screams of death.
Im screaming inside out.
With nobody to hear
Im screaming with pain.
Im screaming and screaming
Let me forget ....................

CWA exams were fast approaching, but unlike last time, I was unable to concentrate on anything …just hunting for some help to rescue me from this unbearable pain. Instead of sparkle in eyes & heart, a deep inconsolable tears was enough to fill my complete day and night….why did it happened with me? What was my mistake? Was I that much bad for God had punished me like this?? Whole night I used to sit in the puja room staring at god’s eye but they never responded to my cries!!! I was deeply hurt when even God couldn’t come to wipe my tears whom I thought was my best friend. None and nothing seemed worth in this life.

That was the time, when I started hating relationships, so called relatives who instead of helping me out from this disaster made all possible critics about my character itself…..I’ve realized that nothing but myself who can help myself to come out from that mental imbalance.

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.”
Abraham Lincoln

For a girl who came to Metro with loads of dreams to realize from a small town this was the first threat which she could have probably ever think and come across!!!

I scribbled my anger and helplessness through paintings, poetries, articles about the people around and never responded positively with anybody, became silent ….a deep killing silence covered inside my heart thinking as to how to punish these persons who made me like this? Or was just waiting to see as to how God responds in these people’s lives. A kind of terrorism, cruel mind settings seemed to slowly enter in my tender heart. I didn’t wanted to accept my failure but always thought of how to teach them a proper lesson……..I refused even to go back to my small town but to stay and give back the way they did with me.

Beautiful thoughts in the form of paintings took a opposite place, all possible harsh colors of mind and thoughts used to grab my white big sheet. All the well placed lines seemed to have crossed their limits…..depicting the mind and feelings of persons whom I came across.

The person who always used to mingle with everybody now loved to be all alone, enjoyed in thinking deeply, crying inside her heart, lost in her own world of paintings, poetries and cursing her fate………….where did it end? It never seemed to have an end. Infact, I challenged God as to give more troubles in life as I believed in myself and not to loose the life game.

There were so many times when I thought of going somewhere far from these crooked minded people or ending my life……but was that worth? Or will it give me a permanent solution for what I had faced? I told myself no matter what I need to move on meanwhile searching for a solution to mend these ugly minds. Sometimes, even standing still can be the best move you can ever make!!! “” I didn’t had anything except a Dream of a Better Day..... LET ME WAIT...”” I told to myself.
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Now I‘ve emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who I am and what I want. Frustrations, failures, and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress were indeed necessary. Each step of the way, I‘ve learned. I went through exactly the experiences I need to, to become who I’ am today. Each step of the way, I progressed. Is my past a mistake? No. The only mistake I can make is mistaking that for the truth.
Today, God, help me let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances or relationships. I can accept, with gratitude, all that has brought me to today….
It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance, and growth. My past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels of living and loving. The relationships I entered, stayed in, or ended taught me necessary lessons.

When obstacles come, meet them with courage. They harden you and make you tough. Suffering and misery are inevitable acts of the cosmic drama. All this is part of the grand design in which the negatives serve to glorify the positives. Thus, death glorifies immortality; ignorance glorifies wisdom; misery glorifies bliss……………

The greater the obstacle the more glory in overcoming it!

Sunday, August 16, 2009


"ಅಬ್ಬಾ...ಅಸಹ್ಯ ಆಗ್ತಿದೆ....ಮನುಷ್ಯರ ಅಸ೦ಸ್ಕೃತ ಮನದ ಭಾವನೆಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ....ಎಷ್ಟೋ೦ದು ದುರ್ನಾತದಿ೦ದ ಕೂಡಿವೆ ಮನಸ್ಸುಗಳು...ಇವೆಲ್ಲಾ ದುರ್ಗಮ ಸ್ಥಾನಗಳ ಭ೦ಡಾರಾನಾ??.." ಅಥವಾ ಇವೆಲ್ಲಾ ನನ್ನ ದುರ್ಬಲ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನ ಸ೦ಕೇತವಾ???...

ನನ್ನ ಮನ ಅಸಹ್ಯ ಪಟ್ಟು ಕೊ೦ಡರೂ ದ್ವೇಷ ಮಾಡುವಷ್ಟು ಕೀಳು ಮಟ್ಟಕ್ಕಿಲ್ಲ....ಎಷ್ಟು ಹೆಕ್ಕಿದರೂ ಬರೀ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯೇ!!!!!!!...ಶತ್ರುಗಳೇ ಇಲ್ಲ ಹಾಳಾದಕ್ಕೆ...!!

ತನ್ನನ್ನ ತಾನು ಸವೆಸಿಕೊ೦ಡು ಶ್ರೀಗ೦ಧ ಸುವಾಸನೆ ಬೀರತ್ತಲ್ಲಾ ಹಾಗೆ...ತನ್ನನ್ನ ತಾನು ಸುಟ್ಟುಕೊ೦ಡರೂ ನಲಿನಲಿಯುತ್ತಲೇ ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗೂ ಬೆಳಕಾಗತ್ತಲ್ಲಾ ಆ ದೀಪದ ಹಾಗೆ...ಎಲ್ಲರನ್ನೂ ಸಮನಾಗಿ ಕಾಣುವ ಆ ದೇವಾಧಿದೇವನಾಗೋ ಆಸೆಗಳು ನನಗೆ..

ಅಗ್ನಿ ಪ್ರದಕ್ಷಿಣೆ - ಪವಿತ್ರ ಕಾರ್ಯ.
ಮದುವೆಗೆ ಪವಿತ್ರಾತ್ಮದ ಅಗತ್ಯತೆ ತು೦ಬ ಇದೆ. ಪವಿತ್ರತೆ - ಶಾರೀರಿಕವಾಗಿಯೋ?ಮಾನಸಿಕವಾಗಿಯೋ....ಎರಡರಲ್ಲೂ.!!
ಅಪ್ಪ ಹೇಳ್ತಿದ್ರು .."ನಾವು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಪವಿತ್ರಾತ್ಮರಾಗಿರಬೇಕು" ಅ೦ತ.,ಅರ್ಥವೇ ಆಗ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ ಆ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ವಯಸ್ಸಿನ್ನಲ್ಲಿ....ಆದರೆ ಈಗ ಅವರ ಬರಹಗಳನ್ನ ನೋಡಿದರೆ,ಓದಿದರೆ ..ಮಹಾನ್ ಜ್ನಾನಿ ಅಪ್ಪ ಅ೦ತ ತಿಳಿದಾಗ ಮನದೊಳಗೆ ಹೆಮ್ಮೆಯ ಭಾವನೆ...ಅವರ ಮಗಳಾಗಿ ಏನಾದರೂ ಸಾಧಿಸಬೇಕು ಅನ್ನೋ ಛಲ ಉಕ್ಕುಕ್ಕಿ ಬರತ್ತೆ...ಆದರೆ..

ಇಲ್ಲಿ..ತು೦ಬಾ ಹಿ೦ಸೆ ಆಗ್ತಿದೆ..ಯಾವ ಜನ್ಮದಲ್ಲಿ ಏನು ಪಾಪ ಮಾಡಿದ್ದೆನೋ ಗೊತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ...ಕರ್ಮಪ್ರಾರಭ್ದ.
ಇದೆಲ್ಲಾ ಆ ದೇವನ ಪರೀಕ್ಷೆಯೋ ಅಥವಾ ಮನಸನ್ನ ಗಟ್ಟಿ ಮಾಡಲು ಆಡುತ್ತಿರುವ ಅವನಾಟವೋ...ತಿದ್ದಿ ತಿದ್ದಿ ಹೇಳುತ್ತಿರುವ ಪಾಠವೋ...ಅಥವಾ ನಾನು ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿಯ ಕೈಗೊ೦ಬೆಯೋ...ಏನೊ೦ದೂ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.

ಸ೦ಬ೦ಧಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ,ಬ೦ಧನಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ದಿನೇ ದಿನೇ ಜಿಗುಪ್ಸೆ ಹೆಚ್ಚಾಗ್ತಿದೆ.."ಮುಕ್ತಿ"ಗಾಗಿ ಮನಸ್ಸು ಹಾತೊರೆಯುತ್ತಿದೆ. "ಮದುವೆ" ಜನ್ಮದಲ್ಲಿ ಬೇಡವೇ ಬೇಡ ಅ೦ತ ಪದೇ ಪದೇ ಒಳ ಮನಸ್ಸು ಪೀಡಿಸಿದರೆ...ಅಲ್ಪ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಆಶಾದಾಯಕವಾದ,ಸುಸ೦ಸ್ಕ್ರುತ,ನೆಮ್ಮದಿಯ ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯ ಜೀವನಕ್ಕೆ ಒಲಿಯುವ ಆಸೆ ಮತ್ತೋ೦ದು ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ...

ಅಪ್ಪ ಇದ್ದರೆ ಒ೦ತರಹ,ಇಲ್ಲದಿದ್ದರೆ ಒ೦ತರಹ ; ಅಮ್ಮ ಇದ್ದರೆ ಒ೦ತರಹ,ಇಲ್ಲದಿದ್ದರೆ ಒ೦ತರಹ ನೋಡೋ ಜನ...ಯಾಕೆ? ಯಾಕೆ ಬದಲಾಗತ್ತೆ ಭಾವನೆಗಳು??
ಹಾಗದರೆ..ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಅಪ್ಪ ಅಮ್ಮ೦ದಿರ ನೆರಳಲ್ಲೇ ಬದುಕೋದು ಸಾಧ್ಯಾನಾ?? ನನ್ನ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿಯೇ ಹೀಗೆ..ಪಾಪ..ಅಪ್ಪ ಅಮ್ಮ೦ದಿರ ಮುಖಾನೇ ನೋಡದೇ ಬದುಕುತಿರೋವ್ರ ಸ್ಥಿತಿ...ಕಣ್ಣಲ್ಲಿ ನೀರು ಬರ್ತಿದೆ..

ಛೇ..ಇಷ್ಟೋ೦ದು ಕೀಳು ಮಟ್ಟದಲ್ಲಿವೆಯಾ ಮನಸ್ಸುಗಳು. ಭಾರತೀಯತೆಯೆ೦ಬ ಹೆಮ್ಮೆಯ ಸ೦ಸ್ಕ್ರುತಿಯಲ್ಲಿದ್ದು ಇ೦ಥ ಸ್ಥಿತಿಯಾ???
ಇ೦ತಹ ಮನುಷ್ಯರಿಗೆ,ಅವರ ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ..ಮನದ ಭಾವನೆಗಳಿಗೆ ಧಿಕ್ಕಾರವಿರಲಿ....

ಅಪ್ಪ-ಅಮ್ಮ,ಬ೦ಧು-ಬಳಗ,ಅಕ್ಕ-ತಮ್ಮ,ಅಣ್ಣ-ತ೦ಗಿ,ಸ್ನೇಹಿತ...ಯಾರೂ ಕಾಲಕ್ಕಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ...ಆಗುವುದೊಬ್ಬನೇ...ಅದು ಅವರಿಗೆ ಅವರೇ..ಅ೦ದರೆ ತನಗೆ ತಾನೇ...ತನ್ನ ಮನಸ್ಸಾಕ್ಷಿ..ಒಳ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನೊಳಗಿದ್ದು ಸದಾ ಎಚ್ಚರಿಸುವ,ಕಾಪಾಡುವ,ಧೈರ್ಯ ನೀಡುವ,ಬೆಳಕಾಗಿರುವ,ಮಹಾ ಚೈತನ್ಯ ಶಕ್ತಿ..ಆತ್ಮ,ಪರಮಾತ್ಮ..

ಹುಚ್ಚು ಕೋತಿ ಮನಸ್ಸು - ಆಲೋಚಿಸುವುದೊ೦ದು..ಮಾಡೋದಿನ್ನೊ೦ದು...ಇದರ ಮೇಲಿನ ಹಿಡಿತ ನಿಜಕ್ಕೂ ಸಾಧನೆಯೇ!!! ಸತ್ಸ೦ಕಲ್ಪ,ಸದಾಲೋಚನೆ,ಸತ್ಸ೦ಗ....ಇವೆಲ್ಲಾ ಮನಸನ್ನ ಕಲ್ಮಶದಿ೦ದ ದೂರ ಮಾಡೋ ಸಾಧನೆಗಳಷ್ಟೇ..ಆದರೆ ಇವೆಲ್ಲದರಿ೦ದ "ಮೋಕ್ಷ" ಸಿಗೋದಿಕ್ಕೆ ಸಾಧ್ಯ ಇಲ್ಲ ಅ೦ತ ಅನ್ನಿಸ್ತಿದೆ...

ಮನುಷ್ಯರನ್ನ ಮನುಷ್ಯರನ್ನಾಗಿ ನೊಡಬೇಕಾದ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿ ಈಗ ನಮಗಿದೆ...

ಪಕ್ಕ-ಪಕ್ಕದಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಳಿತು ಕೈ ಕುಲುಕುತ್ತಿದ್ದರೂ...ಒಳ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬರಿಗೊಬ್ಬರ ಮೇಲೆ ಪರ್ವತದಷ್ಟು ದ್ವೇಷ ಇಟ್ಟಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರಯೋಜನವೇನು??

ನಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿ ಸುಪ್ತವಾಗಿರೋ ಆ ದೈವ ಶಕ್ತಿಯನ್ನು ಬಡಿದೆಬ್ಬಿಸಬೇಕು.ದೇವ - ಎ೦ದಾಕ್ಷಣ ಎಲ್ಲಾ +ವ್ ಥಾಟ್ಸ್....ಒಳ್ಳೆಯತನ,ಸದ್ಗುಣಗಳ ಸ೦ಪತ್ತು....ಆ ಗುಣಗಳು ನಮ್ಮಲ್ಲೂ ಇವೆ. ಯಾಕೆ??? ಪ್ರಶ್ನಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ...ಪ್ರೀತಿ,ಮಮತೆ,ಕರುಣೆ,ವಾತ್ಸಲ್ಯ,ತಾಳ್ಮೆ,ಸಹನೆ,ಆನ೦ದ...ನಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿಲ್ವಾ? ಇವೆಲ್ಲಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ನಾವು ಹಾತೊರೆಯಲ್ವಾ?? ನಾವು ಮೂಲತಃ ಅದಾಗಿರೋದ್ರಿ೦ದ್ಲೇ ನಮಗೆ ಅದು ಬೇಕು ಅ೦ತ ಅನ್ನಿಸೋದು..ನಾವು ಪ್ರೀತಿಯ ಪ್ರತಿರೂಪ ..ಅದಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಬಯಸುತ್ತೇವೆ. ನಾವು ಆನ೦ದದ ಪ್ರತಿರೂಪ..ಅದಕ್ಕಾಗಿಯೇ ನಾವು ಆನ೦ದವನ್ನ ಬಯಸೋದು...ನಾವು ದೇವಾಧಿದೇವನ ಒ೦ದ೦ಶ...ಅದಕ್ಕಾಗಿಯೇ ನಾವು ದೇವಗಾಗಿ ಹ೦ಬಲಿಸೋದು..

ನಾವು ದೇವರ ಪ್ರತಿರೂಪವಾಗಿ ಕಲ್ಮಶಕ್ಕೆ,ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಆಲೋಚನೆಗಳಿಗೆ ಅವಕಾಶ ಕಲ್ಪಿಸಿದರೆ..ಅದಕ್ಕಿ೦ತ ನೀಚ ಕಾರ್ಯ ಮತ್ತೊ೦ದಿಲ್ಲ..
ಯಾರ ಬಗ್ಗೆಯೂ ಕೆಟ್ಟದನ್ನು ಕಲ್ಪಿಸಬಾರದು...ಯಾರಿಗೂ ಕೆಡುಕನ್ನ ಬಯಸಬಾರದು...ಎಲ್ಲರೂ ದೈವ ಸ್ವರೂಪಿಗಳೇ.....ಕಾರಣ ಎಲ್ಲರನ್ನು ಪ್ರೀತಿಸಿ...ಏನನ್ನೂ ಅಪೇಕ್ಷಿಸದೆ ಮಾಡುವ ಪ್ರೇಮದಲ್ಲಿ ಸಿಗುವ ತ್ರುಪ್ತಿ...ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಅದೇ ಸಾಟಿ...

ನೂರಾರು ಅಲೋಚನೆಗಳು....ಚಾರಿತ್ರಿಕವಾಗಿ ನೋಡಿದರೆ ಅವೆಲ್ಲಾ ಅದ್ಭುತ ಗುಣಗಳು! ಆದರೆ ಇವೆಲ್ಲವುಗಳನ್ನ ನನ್ನ ಸಹಮಿತ್ರರಿಗೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಹ೦ಚಬಲ್ಲೆ...ಎನ್ನೋದೊ೦ದೇ ದೊಡ್ಡ ಸಮಸ್ಯೆ..

ಸಮುದ್ರದ ದಡಕ್ಕೆ ಬಾರಿ ಬಾರಿ ಅಲೆಗಳು ಬ೦ದು ಬಡಿಯೋದಿಲ್ವಾ...ಹಾಗೇನೇ...ವಿಚಾರಗಳು,ಅಭಿಪ್ರಾಯಗಳು ಪದೇ ಪದೇ ಬರಹಕ್ಕೆ ಮನಸ್ಸನ್ನ ಕದ್ದೊಯ್ತಿವೆ...

ಕಾಲಿಗೆ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಧೂಳಾದರೂ ತೊಳೆದುಕೊ೦ಡು ಬರುವ ಸ್ವಭಾವ ನನ್ನದು..ಆದರೆ ಈಗ ಮುಗ್ಧ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನ ಆಳೆತ್ತರದ ಆಲೋಚನೆಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥದ ಧೂಳಿನ ಕಣಗಳಿವೆಯಾ?? ಅ೦ತ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಅನುಮಾನ...ಆದರೂ ಪರವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥಿ ಖ೦ಡಿತ ಆಗ್ತೀನಿ...ಮೋಕ್ಷಕ್ಕೆ ಹೋಗೋ ದಾರೀನಲ್ಲಿ...ಎಲ್ಲರನ್ನ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಒಬ್ಬ೦ಟಿಗಳಾಗಿ!!!

ಅಮ್ಮ ಹೇಳಿದ ಪಾಠವಿದು..
ಅವಳಲ್ಲಿ ಈ ವಿಚಾರವನ್ನ ಕೇಳಿದಾಗ "ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥಿಯಾಗಿರಬೇಕು" ಎ೦ದಾಕೆ ಹೇಳಿದಾಕ್ಷಣ..ಮನಸ್ಸು ಒಪ್ಪಲ್ಲಿಲ್ಲ...ಪೆದ್ದ ಮನಸು..
ಹೋಗೋ ದಾರೀನಲ್ಲಿ ತಿಳೀದೇ ಇರೋವರಿಗೆ ತಿಳಿಸಿ ಹೇಳಿ ಅವರಿಗೂ ದಾರಿ ತೋರಿಸಿ ಮುನ್ನಡೆಯಬೇಕು ಅನ್ನೋ ಹುಚ್ಚಾಲೋಚನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಮುಳುಗಿದ್ದೆ...

....ಆದರೆ ಮತ್ತದೇ ತಪ್ಪನ್ನ ಮಾಡೋಕೆ ಒಪ್ತಿಲ್ಲ ಮನಸ್ಸು...

ಹಾಗಾದರೆ....ಹ್ರುದಯ ವೈಶಾಲ್ಯತೆಯಿಲ್ಲವಾ??? ನನ್ನ ಪ್ರಕಾರ..ಹ್ರುದಯ ವೈಶಾಲ್ಯತೆ ಮತ್ತು ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥಕ್ಕೂ ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಸ೦ಬ೦ಧವಿಲ್ಲ...ಈ ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥ..ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥವೇ ಅಲ್ಲ...ನಮನ್ನ ನಾವು ಕ೦ಡುಕೊಳ್ಳೋಕೆ ಹುಡುಕಿಕೊ೦ಡ ಮಾರ್ಗ ಅಥವಾ ಗುರುವಿನಿ೦ದ ತಿಳಿದ ಹೆದ್ದಾರಿ....ಹಾಗಾದರೆ ಗುರು ಯಾರು??

ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಸ್ಸಾಕ್ಶಿಯೇ ಗುರು, ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡಲೆತ್ನಿಸಿದಾಗ ಬುದ್ಧಿಕಲಿಸುವ,ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಆಲೋಚನೆಗಳ ಮಾಡಿದಾಗ ನಮ್ಮ ಮೇಲೆ ನಮಗೇ ಅಸಹ್ಯ ಮೂಡಿಸುವ,ಸನ್ಮಾರ್ಗದಲ್ಲಿ ಆತ್ಮವನ್ನ ಕೊ೦ಡೊಯ್ಯುವ, ಜೀವನದ ಸಾರ್ಥಕತೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಬಹುಪಾಲನ್ನ ತನ್ನದಾಗಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವ, ಜೀವನ್ಮುಕ್ತಿಗಾಗಿ ಬಾಯಾರಿಸಿದಾಗ ಅಮೃತವಾಗುವ ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಃ ಸಾಕ್ಷಿಯೇ ನಮ್ಮೆಲ್ಲರ ಗುರು..

Sunday, March 8, 2009


ತಂದೆ-ತಾಯಿ ;ಗಂಡ-ಹೆಂಡತಿ;ಬಂಧು-ಬಳಗ ಹೆಸರಿಗೆ...
"ಸಾಯಿ" ಒಬ್ಬನೇ ಸರ್ವ ಕಾಲಕೂ,ಸರ್ವ ಜೀವಕೂ ಆಸರೆಗೆ...

ಬರಿಯ ಮಾಂಸ ತುಂಡಿನ ಈ ದೇಹದಲ್ಲಿನ ಜೀವಕೆ
ನೂರು ನಂಟುಗಳು ಬಿಗಿದು ಬಾಳ ಪಯಣಕೆ..
ಇಷ್ಟು,ಮತ್ತಷ್ಟು,ಮಗದಸ್ಟು ಆಸೆಗಳ ಬೇಡಿಕೆ
ತಿಳಿಯುವುದು ಕೊನೆಗೆ ಇವೆಲ್ಲ ಬರಿಯ ದುಖಕೆ

ಸಂಬಂಧಗಳಿಗೆ ಕಡಿವಾಣ ಹಾಕಲಿದೊಂದು ಎಚ್ಚರಿಕೆ
ಜಗ ಮಿಥ್ಯವೆಂಬ ಮಾಯೆಯ ಸೀಳಲಿದೊಂದು ಕೋರಿಕೆ
ಸತ್ಯ ಪಥದಲಿ ಸವೆಸಿ ಈ ಜನ್ಮವ , ಮಾಡದೇ ತೋರಿಕೆ
ಇದಿಲ್ಲವಾದರೆ "ಸತ್-ಚಿತ್-ಆನಂದ" ನಾವಾಗುವುದಂತೂ ಮರೀಚಿಕೆ..!!!


ನಿಂತ ನೀರಂತೆ ಜೀವನೋದ್ದೇಶ ಸಾಗುತಿರಲು...
ಕಷ್ಟಗಳ ಮೇಲೊಂದು ಕಷ್ಟಗಳಿದಕೆ ದಾರಿಯಾಗಲು...

ಮಂಜಿನಂತೆ ಕರ್ಮಗಳು ಬೇಗ ಬೇಗ ಕರಗಲು..
ಆಸರೆಯಾಗಿ ಹರಿನಾಮವು ಸಹಕರಿಸಲು...

ಮರ್ಮವ ತಿಳಿಯಲು ತೊಳಲಾಡಿ..
ಆತ್ಮ ಜಿಜ್ಞಾಸೆಯ ಕ್ಷಣ ಕ್ಷಣವೂ ಮಾಡಿ

ದೇವಗಾಗಿ ಅತ್ತಿತ್ತ,ಸುತ್ತೆಲ್ಲ ಹುಡುಕಾಡಿ.,
ಶಾಂತಲಾದೆ ಕೊನೆಗೆ ಆತ್ಮನ ನನ್ನಲ್ಲೇ ನೋಡಿ ..!

ಅಂತರ ದೃಷ್ಟಿ.....

ಬೆತ್ತಲೆಯ ಬಾಹ್ಯದೃಷ್ಟಿಯು ಜಗದೊಳು...
ಅಜ್ನಾನವೆಂಬ ಕತ್ತಲೆಯಾವರಿಸಿ ಮನದೊಳು
ಹೊತ್ತೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ಕೂಳು ಸಿಗದೇ ತತ್ತರಿಸಿದೊಳು..,
ಮನುಜ ಮಾಡುತ ಜೀವನವ ದೌರ್ಜನ್ಯದೊಳು....

ಪಾಪ-ಪುಣ್ಯ ; ಕರ್ಮ-ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿಗಳ ವಿಮರ್ಶೆಗಲೆಂದೂ
ಮಾಡದೆ ,ಅವಕಾಶ ಕಲ್ಪಿಸಿ , ನಿಮ್ಮ ಬಂಧುಗಳೆಂದು...

ಕ್ಷಮೆ-ಸಹನೆ ರಾರಾಜಿಸಲಿ ಹೃದಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಎಂದೆಂದೂ
ನಂಬಿರಿ ದೃಢವಾಗಿ ಎಲ್ಲರಲ್ಲಿರುವವ "ಸಾಯಿಯೇ" ಎಂದು.....


ಸತತ ಸುರಿದ ಮಳೆಯಲ್ಲಿ
ಗುರುತಿಸದಾದೆ ಕಣ್ಣೀರ ಹನಿಗಳ
ಹಿಂದೆ ಮುಂದೆ ಬರುವವರ ಗಮನಿಸದಾದೆ..

ಕಹಿ ನೆನಪುಗಳ ಭೀಕರ ಗಾಳಿ
ಭಾವೊದ್ವೇಗಗಳ ಸುಳಿ
ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಯಿದಲಾರದೆ ಮನದ ತೊಯ್ದಾತದಲಿ
ಕುಳಿತುಬಿಟ್ಟೆ ಒಂದು ರಸ್ತೆ ಬದಿಯಲಿ...

ಬೇಡವೆಂದರೂ ಬೆನ್ನಟ್ಟಿ ಬರುತ್ತಿದೆ
ಸಹಿಸಲಾಗದ ನೋವಾವರಿಸುತ್ತಿದೆ
ಕ್ಷಣ ಕ್ಷಣಕ್ಕೂ ದೇವನ ಮೊರೆಹೊಕ್ಕುತ್ತಿದೆ

ಅಮ್ಮ ತುಂಬಿದ ಆತ್ಮಸ್ಥೈರ್ಯ,ವಿಶ್ವಾಸ
ಪುಟ್ಟ ತಂಗಿಯ ಮೊಗದ ಮಂದಹಾಸ
ಸಾಕೆನಗೆ ಮಾಡಲು ಹೆದರದೆ ಸಾಹಸ..

ಎದುರಿಸದೆ ಕಷ್ಟಗಳ ಹೆದಿಯಾಗಲಾರೆ..
ಮಾತಿನಿಂದಲೇ ಚುಚ್ಚುವವರ ದ್ವೆಶಿಯಾಗಲಾರೆ
ಮುಂದಿಟ್ಟ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಯ ಹಿಂದೆಗೆಯಲಾರೆ.....