Friday, March 22, 2013

Miss Understand...!

“How can those times ever be forgotten?
Why in our times together
Did we allow our egos to sleep in?
When did the special feeling
We nurtured for each other
Turn into pain and then into torture?”

I was hurt deeply when she messaged me saying “I was the reason for them to fight!!Also, she pointed out my failure to install some software in my laptop than seeking her help and not to call her anymore with a BIG good bye” There were fights between us but, this was something which made us apart afar from hearts. I never knew this is going to be a goodbye forever to our friendship!!! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have sought any help or have taken liberty.

We were very good friends until some misunderstanding blocked our hearts & minds beyond what we can ever think of!!!

Friend is a person with whom we pour our heart out, on whom we can easily depend or rely on, with whom we feel comfortable sharing secrets untold & unfold at hearts, we’ll be sure of his/her presence next to us when need the most, he/she is the only person who understands you as you are and none else….the communication will be so informal and it often gives us the liberty to believe that we are one and the same……Do you feel the same? If yes, read further otherwise this article is not for you or not of your taste……

It was the first day in the college everybody were settling down in the auditorium. As usual I preferred to occupy the middle seat and kept on observing others. Few of them were in their own world (Trans!!), some of them were making themselves familiar with others (comparing their IQ with that of others & judging whether the other person fits to their friendship standards!!), most of them were completely blank as to what’s going to happen next???

One girl who was bit late to enter the auditorium rushed and sat in the last row. As I looked back her broad smile welcomed me and I too smiled at her spontaneously. Perhaps, this made her to come and sit next to me!!Wow, I still cherish that moment as it was just a heartfelt smile instead of “hello” made us closer….without wasting even a single minute we exchanged few information about ourselves before the session started.

Introductory sessions which was for 5 long days comprised of lectures by prominent speakers from various companies on various current issues indeed made us to feel that the management of any business is not everybody’s cup of cake!! But, many of us gathered were of a strong will, with a motive behind to join for this course

Commenting on every session was the most common thing found (sometimes, making a fool of ourselves though we didn’t know about the subject) around. Lunch break was the only time wherein we both tried to know each other in a better way. It didn’t take much time to feel that both of us were almost on the same phase by heart, the way we think, values we respect except two things which deviated were our career ambitions and so, called boyfriend!!

At last, we were relieved from those hectic, boring rarely interesting sessions!!! The institute has circulated the time table and I literally had the butterflies in my stomach since it was indeed a long time since I followed something called “time table” for academics!!! I was totally excited, after a long time I again got an opportunity to pursue something which I’ve always aspired for. So I was all set to grab this golden opportunity with full confidence and my heart every second thanked lord for his compassion on me. How could I ever repay the debt which I owe to my Saimaa than leading everyday life under HER guidance?

As the days passed, we both felt a strong special corner for each other. Of course, times during lunch breaks were just awesome. All thanks to myhostel for tasty dishes, she used to love that food specially “Bisi Bele Bath”. My replies used to literally irritate her when she used to expect answers for her questions regarding food for the day, every day morning in a nice way through SMSs; it’s not that I never replied, I did but in short forms. For such lovely caring words like GM honey, wt’s there for breakfast? I used to reply with just “chitranna”!!! Papa poor thing used to complain against me to her boyfriend!! So, silly yet it was fun

Everyone at college was jealous of our togetherness. It was such a lovely bond to be with. We used to miss those SDP (Student Development Program me!!)Huff, enough please, it’s a kind of torture…she used to say especially during financial management, management science classes…God, how could I ever forget those moments of Business Communication classes. For every one of us that was a kind of relaxation time, a total fun it was!!!

She was of full of energy, smiles and “Life”, to look at her is itself was like a festival for me who had experienced all bitter things by then. I never missed an opportunity to smile whole heartedly with her. Few of the co-students have got back to me by asking whether I knew her from a long time!!I was very proud and happy for getting such a nice person as my friend. I would have not attached to her so deep if I was aware of something which I can never expect especially from her with whom I had shared few of my secrets. That was the comfort level I felt whenever I was with her. Indeed, it was tough for me to even concentrate in the class if she wasn’t there beside me. To be frank, I did missed continuous 5 days of classes when her dad was hospitalized as even I felt the pinch at heart for her, just spent those time in praying for her happiness and more than that I didn’t had the heart to go to college itself, was not in a position to imagine myself without her in class room.

It might seem to be a foolish thing to do for a MBA student to miss classes. But, for me it was more important just to be with her during those days when she needed me the most. Friendship is the only relationship on which I easily rely, trust on than anything else, and was very happy to have such a sweet heart as my friend. She was the only friend for me over there!!! So, I wished only happiness for her.

Who knew what was ahead for me in the coming days? Who can ever guess that I might be a reason for them to fight? What happened to our friendship? Was there any misunderstanding between us? If yes, what was that? What made us to be apart afar from each other? Probably this was something which crushed my feelings towards her to the core!!!

“I have tried thousand times
To bridge the distances
To speak the words long waited
To forget and to forgive
Nothing can change the way I feel for you
Why do you refuse to understand it??”

That was the time when we received laptops from the college along with the Reliance Data card (Net Connect). It was my happy moment as it was something which I have always desired for to have!!That was the moment of pride. We both stood in the long queue and got our respective boxes. In fact, we kept those two big boxes in our bikes and said bye with a huge smile on our faces ;-))

That day itself she made me to feel free as she told not to worry about the installation of anti-virus soft ware as well as MS-2007 in my laptop as well. The very next day, when we met each other she was relieved as her man had installed MS-2007 already!! She said that it took a long time for them to do this the past night. She suggested me to handover my laptop as the same installation could be done in that also. The enthusiastic me, did handed over my lappy to her on a coming Wednesday so that it can be done at the earliest, as I had many butterflies in my head to experiment in it many more things ;-)) That was the thing which I shouldn’t have had done, as further talks regarding this just destroyed a beautiful relationship.

The enthusiastic me, when received my baby (laptop) with all necessary updated installation was bit upset as I wasn’t able to logon to internet, the very next moment I tried to contact her since she didn’t responded to my calls I did tried on her man’s number who informed about the way to install the software to access on internet, which I didn’t know, so I said to do the necessary when we meet in the college. Within a span of few minutes I did received a message from Her saying “I was the reason for them to fight with each other, and she also told my incapacity to install software in my laptop and not to keep in touch with her anymore and a big good bye” …the moment I saw the message I failed to understand what made her to think that I was the reason for them to fight?? How can I be?? And it was an insult for me not having enough knowledge about software installation.

That was enough for me to stop myself to become close to her anymore as I was blamed for such reasons before also which she was very much aware of. I tried hard to console myself but nothing could succeed. I told myself clearly “to be myself” in further days.

It was, is tough to be afar apart from her like this but that’s how things between us has been developed. A strange “Hi” coming out of a troublesome heart or disinterested kind of looks or sitting beside somebody else or changing the usual place in the classroom….heart cries inside heart but this is something which should be felt within. They say, time heals everything and I really hope for it!!!

“So many things
Close to heart, left unsaid
So many memories & moments that seem
To be frozen in the annals of time
Will those words ever be spoken???”
I miss you my dear.

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